I Wasn't Made to Love
by Lady Maeror
Summary: She didn’t know how to love. No, correct that statement, she wasn’t made to love. Raven sits atop Titan's Tower. What events does fate have planned for her? BBRae My first Titan Fic, R&R.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Teen Titans or the characters, if I do, they wouldn't be cancelled.

Read and Review please and show me what to fix up, I won't change this, but for future stories that I write. This is my first Titan's story. No Flames! It's slightly out of character on Beastboy's half, and I know Raven isn't really like this, but it's just a story, and my view.

* * *

I wasn't made to love 

Raven's having trouble with her feelings. As she sits atop Titan's Tower, she begins to feel and her emotions take a suprising twist. During this time, will she be able to admit her feelings for Beastboy? Or will she deny them like she has all her life?

* * *

The night was cold. It had been raining earlier so everything around the city was damp. A strong breeze was heading towards a T shaped building. 

Atop sat a teenaged girl. Her violet hair swayed behind her as the wind blew. Slowly, she raised her arms and lifted the hood that so often hid her face and expressions.

Moving lightly, as if her feet were barely touching the ground, she stepped forward until she was on the edge of the building.

She was waiting, waiting for something to happen. Right now her life seemed so out of place, so unorganised. And a word she rarely used to describe her persona; messy.

Once again, the wind buffeted her face, sending strands of dark hair flying behind her. Enjoying the breeze, she let a smile play at her lips. But it lasted only a second before vanishing.

If any ordinary person who did not live in the area of Jump City saw this violet-haired girl, they would not know who she was. Her outfit was a simple grey leotard, with a dark navy cape and hood settling on her shoulders. Her name was Raven, for the dark power she held, drew in forms of a raven, especially when she was teleporting.

Nobody really understood her. She was born half a demon, with her destiny already mapped out. She never showed any emotions, her powers would not allow her. That was another bothersome thought to pry upon. Her powers.

She contained the dark energy of a demon, and for that she could never show emotion or the possibility of losing control would arise. She also contained telepathic abilities. Her sole purpose in life was to be evil, but she knew she had found her calling. Raven had joined the Teen Titans a couple of years ago. Instead of creating chaos as she was born to do, she helped save the lives of many citizens from villains, who were just waiting to be locked up in jail.

But right now, her emotions _were_ showing, but nothing was happening. Inside her mind she was fighting a battle between her own emotional counterparts. This generally happened every day and a simple chant of her mantra quietened them down. She was trying to fight away the nagging feeling of love.

At first she hadn't even realised she had a love emotion. But her collision with a certain Titan had changed that. The youngest Titan of them all, Beastboy, had some how found a way to break down all the walls and forts she had put up to stop her emotions from showing and escaping.

Long ago she had hated him, as he used to poke her and distract her from important things, like meditating. Now he seemed much more mature and joined her for quiet reading sessions and such. Instead of the child he was, he had grown up and was now her best friend. She enjoyed his company, a lot. Raven had not been sure about her feelings towards him.

But lately all she could think about was him. She could never concentrate on any activity she set her mind to because she was too busy denying love. Raven knew that she enjoyed his smile, his thoughts, even his emotions. She could tell that he liked her, and she now knew deep down that she liked him in return. One of the worst parts of being an empath, was that she involuntarily could feel another's emotions. It irritated her so much because she had enough problems with her own feelings, let alone dealing with another person's.

Thinking of this, Raven let a low growl escape from her mouth without realising it. She cut it short, whilst forgetting she was alone. Raven shook her head lightly and her thoughts wandered yet again.

The worst part of her new found love for Beastboy was that she didn't know how to love. No, correct that statement, she wasn't _made_ to love. Which meant at anytime he wanted to get closer to her, she had to put up the walls again to protect herself, him and everything around them from any power that would appear if she lost control. (Sigh)

Everything she had learnt from the monks of Azar, to movies and lessons in life told her that love was stronger than anything else. And if that were true, a love-struck Raven could be the Apocalypse. Letting a sigh escape, Raven sat down and pulled her knees to her chest.

Watching the night, Raven realised that her hands were wet. Looking to the sky, she noted that it wasn't raining and the ground around her wasn't wet or showed anything to support that it had been raining. Slowly, she felt a tickling sensation run down her cheek.

Carefully, she placed her hand to her face and felt the warmth of a tear. Raven never cried, in fact she didn't know if she had in the past. But sure enough, Raven was crying. Realising this, she impatiently waited for an explosion.

Crying was a strong emotion, and any feeling such as this would cause destruction of some sort.

* * *

Beastboy had occupied himself for the past nights writing a poem. Nobody else knew about it and right now, it was sitting in his pocket. He was proud of himself that he had written it. It was special and was for a special someone. 

Spending time with Raven had made him come to realise his feelings for her. It also made him think.

Now thinking was not one of Beastboy's best qualities. However he felt so sure of himself with this topic.

The poem itself was written for Raven, because Beastboy was aware of how she couldn't show emotion. But maybe a simple letter addressed with her name could change her mind, and let her know how he felt, minus all the mushy love stuff.

* * *

After at least 10 minutes of purely listening out for some sign that her powers had lost control, Raven moaned and put her head in her hands. Her head was throbbing. She was in pain from crying so much. Another tear trickled lightly down her face, warming it slightly before dropping to the ground. 

Her thoughts pained her.

After bottling up so much emotion and stopping herself from interacting with them, something had stopped them from getting out of control. So for now, Raven could feel.

After being isolated from expressed emotion for such a long time, it acted like a wave, crashing upon Raven, who had absolutely no defence. The thought of letting out emotion made her want to become emotionless again, but that caused her to stress, and before she knew it, she was breaking down.

After a few more minutes of sitting with her head rested gently on her hands, Raven heard a voice behind her. She froze at the spot. It was the one voice she didn't and did want to hear at the same time.

* * *

After sitting in bed for nearly an hour and not sleeping much. Beastboy decided to get up and get a drink. 

As he trudged down the hallway of Titan's Tower he glanced over to Raven's door, not far from his own. Amazed that the door was open, he cautiously crept closer to see if she was inside. Peering into the dark room, he saw nothing. Not a slight movement. Quietly he called her name with no response. Beastboy began to freak out.

'_Since when does Raven leave her door open? Where could she have gone?'_

Before he knew it, Beastboy was racing down the hallways silently, in the shape of a cheetah.

Reaching the Living room, he saw nothing again.

'_Ah! Dude! Where could she be?'_

After searching quietly across the tope floor of the tower, Beastboy thought about waking the others. Or he could go and search the rest of the tower himself. He noted that he hadn't checked the roof. It was a fact that any Titan who needed to think went up to the roof. Starfire and Robin did it all the time.

Finally reaching his destination, Beastboy looked out and saw a dark figure huddled on the edge of the building.

* * *

"Raven..?" Called Beastboy, "Is that you..?" 

He sounded concerned. Raven smiled to herself. However she had no intention of calling him over. Although she felt his presence behind her, until he sat down with a respectable half-meter distance between them and an additional thud.

"Look, I got up to get a drink and when I went past you're room the door was open. When I went to shut it, you weren't there." Slowly he moved closer. Raven understood he wanted to comfort her and that he was genuinely concerned for her. She kept her head tilted away from him, trying not to meet his eyes.

Quietly, she managed to choke out the words, "Why?" It was a stupid question, because she already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear the it for herself.

Beastboy replied but sounded hurt, "Why? Why else would I look for my friend who isn't in her room at 2:30 in the morning? I wanted to see you were alright Rae."

Raven stopped for a moment to think about what he had said.

'_Rae, he called me Rae. I like it when he says that.' _Happy giggled, deep inside Nevermore.

Raven immediately snapped out of her thoughts. This was not the time for her counterparts to take advantage.

It took her a minute to realise he had his hand waving in front of her face and was asking again if she was okay. She replied with a gruff, 'Yes Beastboy,' and thought that would end the matter. How lucky for her, that he noticed the pain and sorrow in her voice. How very lucky.

His reply was simple, and definitely spoke the truth. "No, you're not okay. What's wrong?"

Raven wanted to turn her head and flash him a small smile, something to suggest she was fine. But she couldn't turn to look at him. Her emotions of Sadness and Timidity were crying for the grief and pain that her heart was caught in.

She turned away slightly, her hand moving to her side to support her leaning body; Beastboy softly placed his hand on hers. She gazed at the sight with warm eyes.

As she was caught off guard, he placed his other hand on her chin gently and turned her head towards him. He gasped in shock when he saw the tears trickling down her cheek. The hand that had turned her chin, cradled the side of her face softly as he gazed at her. "Rae, what happened?" She shied away once more but he kept speaking. "No more hiding. I need to know what's wrong."

Raven continued to not look him in the eye. She felt terrible, but felt even worse when she felt him get up. Her eyes widened.

She didn't want him to leave!

He sighed resignedly, and let his hand fall from her face, and pulled away his other hand, letting the cold cover hers.

"Well, I'm sorry you couldn't tell me Rae. I guess I'll see you in the morning." With that he began to turn around and walk off. His ears drooped and he his back tilted forward, a typical Beastboy slump.

Inside her mind at that moment, it clicked that she could have the chance to talk to Beastboy, while her powers weren't acting normal.

Raven turned around and swiftly took Beastboy's wrist. "Wait," was all she said. Beastboy nodded slowly, and she led him to a different space on the roof.

Slowly she sat down, still holding onto his wrist. He noticed this but did not complain.

For a few minutes they both sat in silence. For Beastboy, it didn't feel that awkward. He was fairly happy that she was trying to confide in him.

But Raven was figuring out how on earth she would begin to tell him what's wrong.

She took a deep breath and whispered, "Beastboy, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I needed to figure this out myself." Looking over at him, she stared into his eyes while she spoke. He nodded and blinked warmly at her, his green eyes encouraging her to keep going.

Raven took another breath and searched for the right words to put into her sentence. However, it was still forming in her mind.

Looking down at her feet she spoke quietly, "My emotions, you know how they work?" After he nodded with an impish smile, she continued. "Well, I've been having troubles, there's a war going on inside my head. I came out tonight, and as you can see, and I've been crying. Nothing around here has exploded, cracked or changed in any way. I don't know why, but my powers aren't taking over. My emotions are going crazy but I'm not losing control." Again she looked up at him, willing for him to say something. This was so strange and new for her.

Unfortunately, he didn't seem too interested in talking. Either she was boring him, or he was tired. Both ways made her feel crushed.

* * *

After listening to what Raven had said, he sat up. He was fairly exhausted and wanted to fall asleep then and there, but he kept himself conscious because Raven needed him. 

He sat crossed legged and looked up at her face. Her expression told him what a bad friend he was being. So he moved forward and embraced her into a hug. He liked the fact that she clung to him, and he wouldn't be upset if she stopped talking and fell asleep.

He would really like that. No, he would love that.

So many thoughts were buzzing inside his head. He didn't know what to think. Raven's emotions were outta wack, and yet it was all true. Nothing around them looked broken, damaged or the slightest bit different.

"You mean you're emotions in Nevermore? But why are you breaking down if you can feel?" He asked quietly, while letting his head rest on her's.

* * *

At first, Raven was surprised at the hug. But she soon wrapped her arms around his waist and let her head fall lightly on his chest, figuring out what to say next. 

'_And he just had to ask the question I don't want to answer.' _She thought wearily. Raven knew she couldn't just say she loved him and then tell him that she can't love him. That would be worse than refusing him.

"After being emotionless for pretty much your whole life, you aren't used to losing control. I guess I stopped feeling for too long."

Sniffing slightly she loosened her hold on him and whispered lightly, "I can't really explain. I've just started thinking about all the bad times I've had. What if I shouldn't be here? I…I…almost ended the world and almost got you all killed from my father. I was born to be evil, I can't be happy, I can't have fun and I can never love."

She felt Beastboy move so that she was looking at him again. He was watching her intently and her mind clicked to what she had said. She had told him she could never love. Even though he didn't show it, she could feel his heart breaking. Raven was all too aware of his feelings for her.

Her eyes met his and she mentally pleaded that he say something. His blank expression was too much for her to handle.

* * *

'_I was born to be evil, I can't be happy, I can't have fun and I can never lov_e' 

That's what she had just said. That she could never love. He felt horrible. Looking down at her, her eyes were wide and desperate that he could understand what she was going through. And he did. He just hated what she had said.

Because in reality, she was showing emotions now; he was holding the girl he loved in his arms. And yet she had basically denied him, while she still clung to him desperately seeking his help. Didn't that mean all she said was a lie? If she was feeling, how could just say she couldn't try? And how could he help?

The next words he spoke to her were tainted with anger. He didn't even realise it at the time.

"Raven, you were born to be evil. But you aren't. Look at you, you're a Titan. Just because you're father was a demon doesn't mean anything. What about you're mother's blood? What ever you think, you're a good guy. Like the rest of us."

Raven whimpered slightly at his tone, but he kept going. As if he was totally unaware that she was still there.

"And if you can learn to be good, instead of evil, who said you can't learn to love?"

The words were out of his mouth before they had even entered his mind.

Beastboy mentally slapped himself.

* * *

'_Who said you can't learn to love.'_

Her head was swirling and mind was filled with a million questions. Raven lifted her head slightly to gaze into his green eyes. He was taken aback by her next statement.

"Show me how to love Gar." She whispered, although she was pleading. He smiled as she mentioned his real name, only she knew that his name had been Garfield Logan before Beastboy.

Before she knew it, he was leaning into her. Beastboy kissed her lightly, more of a reassuring kiss, to say that he was there for her. Then, kissed her again, letting his hand caress her cheek, while the other held onto her. He pulled back from her and smiled warmly. She wrapped her arms around his neck gently, and pulled him into a soft hug.

Raven slowly let herself slump onto him, allowing him to hold her completely as she began to fall asleep, as if the events of the night were finally affecting her.

Before she finally let go of the string of consciousness she heard him whisper, "You already know how to love me."

* * *

As she fell asleep onto him, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close. Even though he always felt loved by her, he knew that she was just convincing herself that she could love in the way that others did. Just getting a simple smile out of her made it seem as if the rest of the world didn't matter, because he was captivated by her. 

Before he too fell asleep, he looked at her once more and thought how peaceful she looked, instead of the frightened Raven that had been here moments ago, fearing her emotions and purpose in life.

Smiling, Beastboy wondered if now was the time to show her the poem he had written. But after tonight's strange outcome, he felt it wasn't needed.

* * *

Ok, like every other story, this pretty much annoys me. Whether you like it or not is up to you. (obviously) And I know I never revealed what poem Beastboy wrote, but as it said, I guess in the end it didn't matter. Read and Review if you want, I'm happy just to have people read it. Like every other story, if you hate it, I get to mentally berate myself. 

Love, Maeror


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